Blind Bartimaeus

I decided to take the challenge to read the New Testament thru in 30 days and continue to do that each month of this year. (Check it out at YouVersion if you're interested). The other day I was reading Mark 10 and I got to the story of Blind Bartimaeus and I just read it over and over again. Here's what it says:

46 Now they came to Jericho. As He went out of Jericho with His disciples and a great multitude, blind Bartimaeus, the son of Timaeus, sat by the road begging. 47 And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”48 Then many warned him to be quiet; but he cried out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”49 So Jesus stood still and commanded him to be called. Then they called the blind man, saying to him, “Be of good cheer. Rise, He is calling you.”50 And throwing aside his garment, he rose and came to Jesus.51 So Jesus answered and said to him, “What do you want Me to do for you?” The blind man said to Him, “Rabboni, that I may receive my sight.”52 Then Jesus said to him, “Go your way; your faith has made you well.” And immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus on the road.

It made me think of Maxim and all the kids on Reece's Rainbow, and all the kids just waiting somewhere to be seen - to be heard. What if they are Bartimaeus in this moment? What if we are their voice? What happens if we don't cry out for them? 

They are crying out for Jesus to have mercy on them. It's up to us to decide if we will be their voice. Or will we be the ones who tell them to be quiet? That Jesus is too busy for them. When really it's us who are too busy for them, aren't we? 

I saw this quote the other day and I loved it: ““We will go before God to be judged, and God will ask us, ‘Where are your wounds?’ And we will say, ‘We have no wounds.’ And God will ask, ‘Was nothing worth fighting for?’” — Rev. Allan Boesak” 

I'd like to stand before God and proudly show off my battle scars, knowing that I have tried my hardest to be the hands and feet of Jesus. When I see a "blind Bartimaeus" who needs to me to be his voice I want to do what it takes to yell at the top of my lungs on his behalf: "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on them". 

Do you notice at the very end of those verses Jesus tells him to go his way, but instead he "followed Jesus on the road"? I believe that is what these ones who we bring before the Throne will do. They will follow Jesus and shine such a light that they will cause others to turn and follow Him to.

Please don't be afraid to be the voice of a "Blind Bartimaeus" today! Whether it's a child in foster care who know one else is willing to take a chance on, the homeless man you see on the street every day, or a child like Maxim who waits for some one to be his voice. Our wounds will be so worth it someday.

Down to Two

"The Girls" left today. It was going to happen but then extenuating circumstances caused it to happen faster. Please pray for us that some things that were said will all blow over and that we will come out on the side of victory.

Sometimes foster care is a great way to know you are being the Hands and Feet of Jesus, and other times it just stinks. But then, I guess Jesus found himself in some stinky situations too and still kept doing what He knew He had to do.

Things I Ponder: 6-2-09 Foster Care Issue

• if you're tired of being called a liar and a "stealer" why do you keep doing those things?
• why would you think it's ok to use the computer at someone else's house if you are not ALLOWED to use it? Period.
• why are you mad at the world when you are the one who got caught lying and stealing?!
• And how the heck do you discipline a kid for something this big when there's nothing left to take away from her?!!!
• And last, but not least! How did the SW who let these kids go back home to be messed up even worse four years ago become the SUPERVISOR of the whole department now??!!

Arrgggghhh!!!! Part of me is SO done with foster care right now. I am just ready to have my peaceful, quiet, much-less drama filled house back! We have learned a few things from the last nine months though.

Back to the Foster Care Saga

Been a pretty long commercial break for this one, huh? Well, it all goes back to not knowing what to/not to say. So, I'll just give a little run down of where we're at and things we've learned.

• Apparently if you go to all your "classes" you are considered to be complying with the drug/alcohol treatment plan-even when you get a DUI. You're third one!
• If you have abused your children, neglected them, and never really lived with them it's ok- You still have a "shot" at getting them back.
• Both Girls think it is THEIR fault their parents lost custody of them! That is so sad, and the worst part is I think their parents blame them too. Mom actually wrote a letter at one point telling Mississippi not to "feel bad about what she did"-she's the one who finally reported all the junk.
• Even if you have lost custody of your children previously, and got them back by the skin of your teeth, you have 18 months to jerk them and the system around all over again.

Now, for a little recap on this post and this post just to show how far The Girls have come. You should check it out. I read through them and was amazed at the difference in both of them. I'm so glad I took the time to document that back in September and December.

Mississippi

• Actually sits at the table and does homework now with no issues most days. She reads very well, but we're still working on spelling.
• She does her chores with no questions asks and actually seems to be proud of the job she does. I recently found out her mom cleaned her room for her and she NEVER did chores before. Or this was her story anyway :)
• She and Skippy are learning to get along with each other and though they do still fight it's gotten better.
• She is learning to accept direction more and more every day. I asked her to change clothes the other day and she wasn't happy about it but DID NOT throw a fit! Yay for progress!
• She seems to be much more loving and accepting to everyone-even Austin who she used to HATE. Still not ready to bond as more than our foster kid but it's much better.

Skippy

• Slowly improving in school and not missing AS MANY assignments.
• Is becoming more vocal about her likes and dislikes. This really helps when we are trying to shop for clothes and shoes :)
• She will still try to lie to us or be sneaky about things and this has been one of the harder things to work on since she is so quiet and passive-aggressive. We are learning how to tell when she is lying so that's progress, right?
• She has stopped trying to parent her sister and is more willing to tell her to come to us or stay out of things that don't involve her.
• Has become more social and not so sarcastic ALL THE TIME! This is especially nice when meeting new people :)

As for their case in general. They are still considered "return to home" but I think everyone knows that's not going to happen. Everyone except The Girls and Mom and Dad. Their SW says there is a chance they could go back, and most likely to DAD since he's the only one who can find a stable place to live; but due to other circumstances some judge better hope they're not stupid enough to make that decision or they're gonna find out what 109 pounds of pissed off white woman actually looks like. DAD CANNOT have these girls back and I'll just leave it at that. There are GOOD reasons.

That said we know that we are not the best home for them and MG, their SW, has said she doesn't know if they will TPR because there is such a "strong bond". If they don't TPR The Girls will be in "Permanent Foster Care", and when they age out they will go right back to Mom. That would be such a disservice to them. They deserve to have the last few years of growing up in a loving home where they can actually bond. That's not gonna happen if they continue to have weekly visits with Mom and Dad. They have such a guilt ridden hold on these girls that Mississippi wouldn't even get her hair cut the way she wanted because they gave her such a guilt trip about it at visits. I know how badly she wanted it cut before she went to those visits and I heard what they said to her. They don't want her to enjoy anything they are not a part of or made a decision on. It is SO sad!

The only thing we can really do is speak out on what we think is best for them and try to teach them some good habits while they are here. Oh, and PRAY for the right decision for their futures! I just know they both have so much potential and they deserve a family who can help bring that out in them. I wish everyone could agree on that!

It Wasn't Us

Edited 2/19/09: I read back over this today and realized that I never updated what happened when I spoke with J(the lady from our agency) about the "misunderstanding". Apparently, what I failed to realize when we took "The Girls" is that in our state 2 and under is counted as two children as is a child with special needs. So when she said emergency or respite that's what she meant, a child with special needs or under 2 would have to only be emergency/respite for now. We are still approved for another child full-time as long as they aren't in the category mentioned already. It was good to know that we had not been deliberately misled. I feel lots better about our relationship with them now.

Thanks to all for the prayers and concern for us. It was appreciated! :)

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We were not the family chosen for the little girls. I am not upset about that, because I knew that we might not be chosen. I do feel that we were misled by the agency we work with. When we took in "The Girls" that we have now we understood that we were approved for three children and we let them know we were really hoping for a young child that we could possibly adopt. Today I heard from one of the ladies and she told me that the third spot is only respite and emergency and that we do not have the square footage for three foster children full time. When we took our current placement we sat and talked with her about logistics for a future third child and respite/emergency was never mentioned.

I really do not like feeling like I have been lied to or misled by people that I work in close contact with on something so important. Someone is going to hear from me on Monday. I just pray God will help me to speak my mind without causing any more issues. UUGGHH! Sometimes I HATE foster care!

No News

We still did not get any more news about what's going on with the possible placement. I think that we are probably not going to be chosen and I'm ok with that. I really would like to just KNOW already though. Yet, I do realize in the world of foster care and adoption it just doesn't work that way. Ah well.

I am much better today than yesterday and do so appreciate all the comments asking about progress and letting me know you were praying. It means a lot to me. Here's hoping for some news tomorrow!

I Know Where the Nesting Thing Comes From.......

It is a pathetic attempt to distract ourselves from the endless waiting and the unendurable fits of nerves that come along with waiting for our children or news of possible children. Whewee! How's that for a never ending sentence?

My nerves are so ragged right now. I have cleaned my bedroom, washed down and dried all the windows in my living room-that was a feat with 7' tall windows, vacuumed TOO many floors, wiped down walls, cleaned sinks, and the list goes on. All to take my mind off the fact that we MAY be hearing something today about the exciting new development from Friday.

Honestly ya'll, it bothers me that my nerves are so on edge about this. I keep asking myself if it's because deep down I don't think I'm ready or if it's because this is not God's Will for us. Yet at the same time I keep imagining what it will be like when they're here. Looking at little girl clothes online and stalking Craigslist and Freecycle for bunk beds. I just keep praying all day that God will open everyone's eyes to the right placement for these girls. That doors that should not be open will be shut and that the right ones will be opened.

If I don't hear something soon, I may just lose it. Either that or my house will be sparkling!

Yet Another Twist in the Journey

Last night I went to a Women's ministry function at church. Wasn't expecting anything too exciting to happen, well I did expect to meet with Jesus and that's always exciting, but otherwise nothing exciting. Imagine my surprise when I was approached with a possible adoptive situation. I was gonna put an exclamation point there, but that would imply more excitement than I want to put into this at this moment. I mean, I could be excited about it and I probably will be if something comes of it but right now I'm not getting my hopes up. I know those of you who have been there and done that know what I mean.

So here's the low-down:
An acquaintance approaches me and says, "This may be a silly question, but are you open to taking more foster kids?"

I of course told her that we were, thinking she knew of someone who needed to have their foster child moved for some reason. Then she told me that she worked with two sisters who needed to be moved to a foster/adopt home and they were really struggling to find a family to take them. And asked if we would be interested. These little girls are seven and one.

Rick and I talked about it last night and we are interested but trying to be cautious as well. I don't really feel like having my heart broken yet again. On one hand I know it could be an answer to prayer. LB is now seven (being adopted by her foster parents-BTW) and we really wanted her to be part of our family plus I have a strong desire to have a baby girl. These two girls fit that so well, but I am being cautious and guarding my heart. Another issue is, "The Girls". We don't know what would happen with them and I would hate for them to have to be moved to another placement in the middle of the school year. They have had that happen to them too many times with their bios, I don't want to do it to them as well. I also can't imagine how it would make them feel to be kicked out so that two younger more permanent kids could come in their place.

We can do nothing but pray, just like we always do. God's Will will be done whether I like it or not and maybe I'm learning to be at peace with that. Either that or I'm getting cynical. The vote's still out on that one.

Pickles in the Bathroom

On New Year's Eve we allowed "The Girls" to go to a Lock-In hosted by one of the Missionettes teachers at church. They had been grounded prior to this for not respecting other people's things, something they both struggle with, but we thought we'd make an exception because of my birthday and give them a chance to redeem themselves.

Apparently, they like being grounded.

This is what we heard when we picked them up the next day.

1. They were part of a FOOD Fight
2. When asked to stop with the food fighting they were the only ones who did not.
3. Then they took pickles into the bathroom and began throwing them at each other.
4. They were just generally disrespectful and disobedient.

The sweet lady who teaches this age group said that if it hadn't been my birthday she would have called us to come and pick them up. Needless to say Rick and I were both mortified. And, of course, they have no idea why they acted the way they did. The thing that gets me is they love Ms. P also and when we made them write letters of apology they were both near tears when they gave them to her. So, WHY did they act this way in the first place? I don't get it.

Well, actually, on some level I kind of do get it. I think that maybe it was too much freedom for them and they just couldn't handle it. It's no excuse, but it's the only explanation that I can think of. We have told them that they are on severe lockdown mode. They have to be within sight of Rick or I at any public place we go to. Which S has already tested by trying to saunter over to the other building after church on Sunday to pick up one of our other kids. I had to call her back and asked her where she was going. Her answer was the standard, "I don't know". They are also grounded to their room and pretty much have to ask permission for everything.

It will probably be a long time before we allow them to do anything else like this. I'm wondering if we should discontinue all field trips and such since we don't know if we can trust them to behave if we aren't there. Anybody have suggestions?

Pickles in the bathroom. It's almost funny!

I'm Not Sc-Sc-Sc-Sc-Scared.....

I got tagged again by the lovely Brandi. I have to post 15 things that I'm not afraid to admit. But, honestly as I've been sitting here thinking alot of them are things I am scared to admit. You know how we all think that everybody's got it goin' on so much better than us and we don't want anyone to see those things we don't want to admit cause the whole world will know we ain't got it goin' on like them?(whew, can we say "run on sentence"?) Anyway, I probably have to make that my number one thing I'm not afraid to admit, maybe then I can begin to "get over it", just like I tell my kids frequently.

So, here goes nothin':

1. See the extra humongo run on sentence above, I struggle with that but I'm not afraid to admit...I'm working on it :)



2. I was probably a borderline nerd in school. I'm pretty sure everyone liked me ok, but I wasn't really cool. Still not, but I don't care as much.



3. I think adoption is amazing and is a visual representation here on Earth of what God the Father has done for us. I get really upset by those who do not agree and say mean and hateful things about those who have adopted or plan to adopt.



4. I may be afraid to admit but will do it anyway....sometimes I just feel down in the dumps, lonely and have to give myself a good talking to to snap out of it. See this post.


5. My kids seriously crack me up sometimes. They are so hilarious but in totally different ways. And just to toot my own horn, sometimes I crack myself up :) I'm probably too easily entertained.
6. I am an internet addict. I have way too many blogs saved in my google reader and keep adding more. Is there a 12 step program for this?
7. Oh yeah, I've become a FaceBook addict too. What is it with entering the 30's and reconnecting with folks from high school? I know it's not just me cause they're all there too!
8. I hope to adopt a child with Down Syndrome someday. Actually feel pretty sure that someday will be a reality.
9. I actually hope that once we adopt once I can convince Rickydoodle we should do it a few more times!
10. I am very pro-life and do not feel any less a strong woman for that stand. Maybe I even feel stronger.
11. I hate rejection and am not even sure where it stems from. My stint in foster care as a kid? Something before/after that? I'm sure that's why even a job rejection ( see #4) bugs me. I know it's not personal but it still messes me up a little bit. Guess I need to take that to my Abba.
12. I am scared to death of camel crickets and hate them with a passion. See #5 of this post and the picture. You would be scared of them too!
13. Jem was one of my favorite cartoons, along with She-Ra. I LOVED them! And probably watched them when I was "too old".
14. I hate the movie Titanic. Never want to see it again! I know that really happened to real people and I just can't handle it.
15. I'm turning 32 this year and I'm ok with it so far. I'm calling it my Sweet Sixteen X's 2. I even told Ricky he had to throw me a party, but I think he dropped the ball on that one. Either that or he's a really good faker!

All right I'm done! I'm not going to tag anybody this time cause I don't know who to tag and it's late. I should be in bed. If you want to play, please do and leave me comment so I can read yours.

Of Internet Addictions and Broken Computers

Remember this little guy?













He caused my computer, which allows me to daily satisfy my Internet addiction, to die. He thinks the power cord to my laptop is his own personal chew toy and when no one's watching he sinks his sharp little teeth right in. So, I went a few days recently with no Internet access when the power cord gave up it's fight and the battery on the laptop died. Luckily for him, or me depending how you look at it, the cord miraculously started working again sometime last night. Go figure. This was after we ordered one through B*st B*y.

Ricky's right, I am an addict.

This is what I found when I logged on today.

• 338 blog posts in my Google Reader
• 300+ email before the ladies in the church office took pity on me and let me use their computer yesterday
• 3 L'il Greenpatch Requests, 1 message, 1 invitation, and tons of updates on FaceBook

I have posts rolling around in my head, but right now I just don't feel like doing anything but catching up on what everyone else has been up to. But, here's a small taste:

• Mississippi learned that it's a bad idea to sharpen pencils with a knife/thumbs are more pliable than wood against a sharp blade (We have tons of sharpeners and she knows this. It's a mystery!)
• I'm not happy about how the election turned out but we're teaching respect for the President no matter who he is and whether or not we agree with his policies.
• "The Girls" had a visit scheduled with their dad, which he did not bother to show up for.
• We learned that even if a complaint is logged, investigated and found to "be founded" against a parent, they still have a chance at getting custody. We're still a little shocked at that one.
• I interviewed for a position in our church's office and hope they will offer me the job!

My unofficial hiatus is officially over and I am woman enough to admit that, yes, I am addicted to the Internet. And if Mojo comes near my computer again, he'll probably wind up toothless.

Just sayin'.....

What is the DEAL?

Yesterday I alluded to having had a bad day, but I still wasn't sure at the time what caused it so I left it alone. Plus, I don't like to be a complainer and lately I feel like that's all I've been doing. Uggh, makes me wanna slap myself!

Well, I still don't feel like myself and I've decided if I complain just enough to ask you all to pray that's ok. Right? I have been having some anxiety problems and maybe a little depression thrown in too. Sunday was really bad because I was dealing with behaviors from "The Girls" all weekend it felt like. To be honest, on Sunday and most of Monday I was really blaming them for how I was feeling. Which, of course, just made it worse because I have this guilt complex too. I've started to think that maybe it's not so much them but just something I'm going through. I've even thought maybe it is some kind of spiritual attack. There has been a passion burning in my heart to start an orphan/adoption ministry in our church and just when I get to the place to really begin to get the ball rolling this happens. Also, we felt that this was God's Will for the girls to be here with us and now this issue is making me doubt that.

So, if anyone is reading this please pray for me and "the Girls" and our family as a whole. All the changes have been tough on every one and I know there have been times when the boys, Austin especially, have been very frustrated with things that "the Girls" have done that effect them in a negative way. Temper tantrums and little girl attitudes are really hard to take when you're used to nothing but frogs and snails and puppy dogs' tails. That Sugar and spice stuff? Who wrote that? Or maybe I'm just seeing nothing but spice right now and the sugar will come later. Yeah, that's probably it.

No Child Left Behind.....hmm?

I don't really understand a whole lot about the whole NCLB (No Child Left Behind) concept. I know it's supposed to put policies in place that ensure that all our kids are learning what they need to succeed, but from what I see something has gone awry in the plan.

Here's the deal: My kids are pretty smart, I'm not trying to brag on them or be that annoying mom, I'm just telling it like it is. Austin is in high level classes in 7th grade. He's always been good at math and this year is taking Algebra-which is considered a 9th grade course. Noah is also doing very well academically and is in the gifted reading and math programs at the elementary school. I've just been happy the past few years that they have had these options and are being encouraged to perform at the highest level they can achieve. Not having kids who were just considered "average", I never really thought there was any difference in the way all the kids were being educated. Turns out I was wrong.

"The Girls" are both intelligent and have the potential to do very well, but they need to be pushed to achieve. This is what you get when you have two kids who have gone to at least SEVEN, maybe more, different schools in their entire school career. Add that to the fact that parents who have their own issues going on aren't always so involved with how their kids are doing in school. Anyone will tell you that parental involvement makes a BIG difference in how kids perform. This means that though they both could do very well, they both are just barely getting by. This doesn't bother us because we figure we will work with the teachers and make sure they are doing their homework, projects, etc. Giving them a little push when they need it, encouragement when they hit a rough patch, and just general help wherever it's needed. Just like we do with our kids. Eventually they will improve and soon be working to their full potential. Right?

Um...not so much! See, we had the pleasure recently of meeting the teachers. The most surprising thing we heard was from Skippy's Language Arts teacher, I'll paraphrase: "I have kids and after football and dance, etc there's no time for homework. So, I don't give a lot." We shared this with her caseworker and her reaction was the same as ours, "and she's a teacher?!" On top of that when she does bring work home it's very simple. It's almost as if they don't want to challenge them. As for Mississippi's teachers most of what we've heard from them is how well she's doing and what a great start she's made. This would make us feel wonderful if her grades and her work reflected that, but she CANNOT spell and when she first came to us getting her to read anything other than a picture book resulted in a meltdown. It's almost as if because her teachers know she is a foster child they are being extra nice to her. Yeah, she's been through a lot and it's sad. But, she doesn't need someone to hold her hand and feel sorry for her, she needs people to push her to rise above the obstacles in her life. She's never going to learn to do that if they just pity her because of where she's come from.

So, this is the conclusion that I have come up with, and I wonder if it's just my county or if it's like this all over. I think that the schools lose funding if the kids don't test well. They've figured out that there are some kids who can be challenged and do really well and there are others that they can't be sure will be able to test and pass if they don't just give them an easy ride. It sounds to me like all the kids who don't get the chance to prove they can handle being challenged are being left behind. They're being sacrificed so that the school doesn't look bad. So much for No Child Left Behind!

The Joys of Foster Care (the sarcastic version)

On Friday I got a call from "The Girls" caseworker. Their dad is out of jail and is determined to get them back. Yay! That's great news for a few reasons. The most important being that they will be happy to be with their own family and know that they are safe, and because unfortunately if their plan is not reunification then things look bleak. I hate having to say that but, honestly, once kids get to be as old as they are and have been thru as much as they have, their chances of being adopted out of foster care grow slimmer. It is a sad reality. What's sadder is that these girls had a great chance to be placed with a strong, secure, loving family the first time they were in care but they were sent home. And from some stories we've heard it sounds like Mom and Dad just did a great job of playing the System and hiding things the first time around. That's even more scary.

Now, back to Dad being out of jail. They were scheduled to have a visit with him this week and we thought, "just in case any thing happens we'll hold off on telling them". Thank God for His divine wisdom! It turns out that some things had happened in the past that need to be investigated and they may have no chance of ever going back to dad. Our trainers had told us to expect that things will come out after they had been with us a while, but I don't think you ever really prepare yourelf to deal with some of the things that have gone on with these kids.

Why does this world have to be this way?! We need for more of this evil that goes on in the dark to be brought into the light. IN JESUS NAME!

I am so sad for these girls. They have no appropriate family that anyone's been able to identify thus far. I just shudder to think what their future might be. I'm going to begin to pray that the perfect family be raised up to take them on. Pray with me?

YAY! Aww, Thanks......

Brandi awarded me a couple days ago and I have to say how truly good that makes me feel. I absolutely LOVE reading her blog, she has so much passion for "The Least of These" and inspires me when I get to feeling the "What can I do?" blues. She also has a blog, KidsLake, dedicated to making others aware of different causes that help orphans and training children in missions service to others. I love it as well, and have even passed it on to our children's and youth ministers. If you've never read her blog, shame on you, cause I link her all the time! :-) Seriously, you need to check her out.


Ok, now for the hard part. All of the blogs that I read are awesome and they all deserve to receive some type of recognition. Luckily, for me, lots of them already have received these awards. So, here goes:

1. Adopting Again Rebecca is a foster/adopt Mama who's journey has been windy and sometimes difficult, but obviously worth it. I have always admired how she gives Glory where it is due throughout it all.

2. My Minivan Rocks First of all, I love the name of Tracy's blog :) And second, I love her honesty and how real and funny she always is.

3. Stepping Out of the Boat I admire Laura's faith and the way she stands strong for what she believes in. She loves her family and it shines through when you read her blog.

4. Tami's I have so enjoyed following along on Tami's journey to her Noah. She waited so long for him, and her faith and perseverance in everything she did to get to him has inspired me over and over again.

5. Big Mama Hollers I Love Cindy's blog for so many reasons! She has a strong faith and KNOWS where her strength comes from. I feel I have learned so much just from her sharing her struggles with her kids, plus she gives great gardening and frugal living tips from time to time. And she lives so close to where I grew up, every time I read her blog it's like taking a slight trip back home. If you are even considering fostering or foster/adopt you HAVE to read her blog. Heck, you should stop by if you are considering adoption period. You won't regret it.

6. And just cause I'm a rule breaker, but also cause I love her blog as well: My Ebenezer. Cindy always makes me laugh and her passion for the children in foster care is evident. Blogs like hers and so many others give me hope for the future of these kids if we all just speak out loud and long enough.


Characteristics for the Smile Award:
1. Must display a cheerful attitude.
2. Must love one another.
3. Must make mistakes. (I think we can all relate to that!)
4. Must learn from others.
5. Must be a positive contributor to blog world.
6. Must love life.
7. Must love kids.

Rules for The Smile Award:
1. The recipient must link back the the award's creator, Mere
2. You must post these rules if you receive the award.
3. You must chose 5 people to receive the award after receiving it yourself.
4. You must fit the characteristics of the recipient of the award, as posted.
5. You must post the characteristics of a recipient.
6. You must create a post sharing your win with others.
7. You must thank your giver.

I wish I knew where the "I love your blog" award originated from, but I don't. Anyone else know?

Adjustments

Boy howdy the adjusting taking place in this household lately! I knew to expect it, they talk about it alot in the training, but that doesn't make it any easier when the actual adjusting is taking place. How many fits in one day can one little girl have? Gah!!!

Poor A (or Mississippi) is having a really hard time adjusting to having consistent rules.
-She does not like having to sit at the table and do homework.
-She does not like having a chore to do every night.
-She DETESTS having to read actual books for 20-30 minutes every night.
-And EVERYTHING her sister does pushes her over the edge.
I think her real problem is that she gets frustrated very easily and it escalates to the point that she just can not control her emotions any longer. Usually when she gets like this her feet and hands start twisting and she can't walk or write. We haven't figured out yet if this is just something she's developed to take the focus off of whatever has frustrated her or if it really is a symptom of something else. There definitely seems to be a lot of anxiety there and we will be working on that. At the time when she is having one of her fits I get frustrated with her and wish she would just stop, but later when I think about all she's been through I feel sorry for her. I'm surprised that there aren't more issues.

As for C (or Skippy), she seems to have the opposite going on. She still has some issues that we have to watch out for but they aren't as obvious as Mississippi's. One of her things is she'll tell us she will do something and then just not do it. Or when we went shopping for clothes she told us she liked things and now says that she doesn't and doesn't want to wear them. ARGH! Tonight Rickydoodle asked her if she had gotten a test back from one of her teachers and she said they hadn't taken a test. When he said he had spoken to the teacher and knew they had taken the test the day before she all of a sudden "maybe remembered taking a test", but they haven't gotten it back. We just had to laugh, under our breath of course. Sarcasm is a big defense mechanism with her. In one way it's not a big deal because you expect it from a kid her age, but in another she has never learned proper times for being sarcastic and being serious. There have been times we've introduced her to friends and she has shown a little sarcasm in her greeting, it's awkward, but I honestly think it's done to protect herself. Kind of, "I don't know you or if you're OK for me to get to know so I'm gonna use this to put you off." She also uses it with Rick and I at times and neither of us like a child to be disrespectful, so that has been awkward as well. All in all though, she's really a good kid with a good heart. Unfortunately, she's not had steady guidance most of her life.

Another issue we are dealing with from both of them is Parentification. Luckily for me I've been reading Cindy's and Yolies blogs and found lots of been there done that advice. I am by no means an expert but it's nice when you sort of know what to expect. The only trouble with this case is I didn't expect them BOTH to be parentified, but they are. We first noticed it in Mississippi and thought that was strange because we expected it to be Skippy since she's the oldest. Then when Skippy was a little more comfortable we noticed signs of parentified behavior in her too. Honestly Skippy probably is more parentified but they definitely both show signs. And maybe that's where some of Mississippi's issues with Skippy come from. It's like having two positives to a magnet too close to each other, right? We finally had to tell them the other day that they are not each other's parent and we will be the ones that tell them what they need to do and all the other things that parents do. I don't want them to stop looking out for each other but I would like to take some of the pressure off of both of them.

Austin, Noah, Ricky, and I are just adjusting slowly. Taking all this one day at a time. I've come to realize if your family is not very flexible you probably won't like foster parenting. You have to be able to roll with the flow.

"The Girls"

All my life it seems it has been "Melissa and The Boys". As a kid I was older sister and ONLY sister to two boys, so, naturally whenever anyone spoke of my parents' kids it was "Melissa and The Boys". Then I grew up and found myself as a single mom to two little boys, and it was once again "Melissa and The Boys". Gotta love God's sense of humor, huh?

My brothers and my sons may need counseling someday for identity issues, but that's another post. This one is about "The Girls".

I know I can't share their names here and haven't really decided on code names for them. For now I'll call them C and A, or "The Girls". C is the oldest and she is 12 years old. She has super curly auburn hair and is tall, I think, for a 12 year old. But, then, I'm short so maybe she's just right. She's taller than me, anyway. A is 10 and has long blond hair and is not taller than me :) They both have beautiful crystal blue eyes and are really good girls at heart.

There has been the usual adjustment: a little attitude here and there and some tears. I know it has to be hard for them to be away from their family, especially since it's not the first time and everybody thought last time was a reunification "success story". At least that's what the social workers told us. Their former foster parents and others have said that they had their doubts even then. It really is sad. It's almost like playing Russian Roulette with kids' lives and hoping for the right outcome. I keep wondering where these girls might be right now if they hadn't been placed back home last time, if they had given Mom/Dad a little more time to make sure they were really ready, or maybe if someone had known what would happen and they had just stayed with Mr. and Mrs. T. They tell us these stories that make us cringe. Stories of before they were in foster care the first time and after they went back home. No child should have to live like that and their story isn't nearly as bad as some others' who are in foster care right now.

I have been impressed with their maturity in some areas. They know that it is best for them to be where they are. They understand that they weren't in a safe environment with Mom and Dad and that both Mom and Dad need to get help to overcome the obstacles that keep them from being the parents to them that they ought to be. So far in all this I have still been able to pray for their parents and hope that maybe this time they will be able to gt it right. To turn it around and be what their girls need. I'm surprised by this because I thought that I would have to fight to overcome a grudge at the way they have mistreated their kids and it would be hard to even pray for them. I guess it's God's grace, and some of the stories from those in our congregation that met Dad and say that at one time he was really trying, even bringing them to church once he got them back. I hope it's not too late.

It Was Bound To Happen and One Night It Did....

30 points to the first commenter to guess the song the title came from. It's probably way to easy, but it was perfect. I couldn't resist.



They do say, "Expect the unexpected", don't they?
On Thursday night we got our first call for a placement. It was kind of an emergency thing and they were looking for someone to take two sisters. Possibly just for the weekend or maybe as a more long-term foster care placement. So, that was the expected part. The unexpected part was that they are out of our age range, they're 10 & 12. We thought what would be best for our family was somewhere between infant and six, maybe up to nine. But, don't you know, God knows what's best for everyone involved all the time.

Check this out: Apparently, as we learned a little more, these girls had been in care before. We were told that they were very sweet and the family they were with before just adored them and they adored this family back. Unfortunately this family had moved to North Carolina. After the girls came to our house and were settled in some we were talking about things we do as a family and who they'll get to know when they go to church with us. At the mention of one of those names the oldest sister asks, "What does she look like?" Then she proceeded to describe our Children's Pastor to us and asked what church we went to. God never ceases to amaze me. The little tricks he plays on us! These girls are the ones we had heard so much about from so many in our Care Group. When they were in care before they were with a couple who attended our church, lived in this area, and went to the same church Care Group that we have been a part of for almost three years. Just days before they came someone was mentioning how they hadn't heard from them in a while and Mrs. T (their former foster mom) had lost touch with them. It really helped them to find out that there was that connection to their former foster parents who they really loved.

What an awesome God we serve. I know that's more song lyrics but I really mean those. He even cares enough for these kids to be sure they go somewhere that would help them to feel a little more comfortable in this second time around. I wish it had worked for them the first time, but we are hoping that soon we will see visible evidence of God working all things for good.

Questioning Along the Journey

Hmmm... How to put down what's been on my heart since we finished PRIDE training? I have gone back and forth with myself a million times about this post because I'm not sure I can convey what I'm really feeling, but it won't get out of my head. I do think that others in similar situations, whether adopting from foster care or perhaps even a poverty stricken nation, have felt the same. I believe we need to share with each other so we don't feel alone, I know it wouldn't hurt for me to know I'm not the only one.

This is my ordeal lately. I want to parent more children. Desperately. I have always wanted to be a mom and wanted to be a mom to many. No big deal, right? We're adopting, it will happen eventually.

The thing is the route we have chosen to lead us to our children means that our children will possibly be coming out of horrible circumstances, which will lead to them being taken from their families. Not relinquished by a mother who wants a better life for them or is unable to parent, but taken by the foster care system for the children's own welfare. We're going into this knowing that we may only be meant to be a family for some kids for a time and someday maybe our promised child will come to us through a foster/adopt situation.

It's this maybe that's got me thinking so much lately, and feeling guilty at times too. I have been praying for a long time for this promised baby girl and now that we are finished with PRIDE and actually have a home study I find myself praying even more. Especially on days like today when it seems I am surrounded by others with beautiful little blessings in their arms and I'm reminded of what I want so much but am still waiting for. I pray, and ask God why. "Why did you promise me a baby, Lord, and here I am still waiting?", "Please, Lord, please let them call soon." And usually as soon as this one flies from my lips I am hit with the guilt. I start thinking, "Wait, in order for them to call that will have to mean that they've had to remove a child." That possibly this child has been abused. Does this mean that I am praying for something like this to happen? That's not what I want. I don't want some parents to harm their child so that I can gain. But, yet, I know that it does occur, everyday. Even right here in our small little corner of Virginia. People hurt their kids, they allow them to be put in dangerous situations, and they abandon and neglect them. I have even seen it first-hand when I taught preschool.

So, I'm not trying to say that I want to benefit from this happening but I do know that things like this go on. I am saying that I am glad my family is ready, willing, and able to step to the plate for kids who have been hurt, in one way or another. I think after all the roadblocks that we've hit and how smoothly the training for PRIDE went, and we have such a peace now about working with this team, I think this is the path we were supposed to take all along. We just thought that we could do it our own way for a while and God would just follow along. When He was just waiting for us to take off the blinders and follow him.

So, where does my guilt fall in with all this? If this is the road God wants us on and He has promised us this child we have been praying for then this is how she will be joining our family. I have a lot of questions and not so many answers right now. But, hey, that's the way it often goes! AM I the only one who has ever felt this way?

Music and Life-"I Wonder"

DISCLAIMER: I cried writing this post, but still felt it needed to come out and be shared. We all have experienced something that can help others who are hurting. I hope ya'll don't mind me being real :)


This song made me cry today. It chokes me up every time I hear it, but today it was a little closer to home. See, my ex, and my boys' bio dad, has been released from prison and has been trying to contact me. I heard through the grapevine that what he wants is to give up his rights to the boys so that he's not obligated to pay child support. Can't say I didn't see that one coming, as sad as it is.

I wonder a lot of times how my boys will feel about their bio dad as they get older. Will they forgive him for not choosing to be a part of their lives? For choosing drugs, alcohol, and partying over them? And I try to reconcile that with how I feel about my own bio dad, who has been an alcoholic all my life and most of his own. I do know that even after all these years, and especially now that I am a parent myself, it's so hard to understand how a mother or father cannot summon the courage and will to change in order not to lose their child/children. Wouldn't I do anything I needed in order to keep my children with me or at least have the privilege to have them in my life? That's the type of question I avoided as a kid because the answers were too painful for me then. Now, I know that it's not about what I was or wasn't but about what my dad was incapable of doing and the blame falls squarely on his shoulders.

It also makes me think of any children who will come into our home through foster care. Separated from their parents by choices that those parents have made. Especially if the choices the parents made lead to the kids not being able to return home. How is that going to leave those children feeling? How will that effect the relationships that we will hope to build with them?

Honestly, I'm thankful that I have my own experiences to fall back on now. I know what it's like to wonder why my parent couldn't change for me. To wish that things could be different. I hope to be able to share that with my own boys and our foster/adoptive children as needed. I'm thankful for a Father God who showed me many years ago that He was always there, always the Father that I thought I was missing out on. I'm also thankful for a stepfather who was there and loved me in his quiet way, even when I didn't want to accept that love. I hope that I'll be able to do the same for all the hurting ones that God sees fit to send my way.