Down to Two

"The Girls" left today. It was going to happen but then extenuating circumstances caused it to happen faster. Please pray for us that some things that were said will all blow over and that we will come out on the side of victory.

Sometimes foster care is a great way to know you are being the Hands and Feet of Jesus, and other times it just stinks. But then, I guess Jesus found himself in some stinky situations too and still kept doing what He knew He had to do.

Things I Ponder: 6-2-09 Foster Care Issue

• if you're tired of being called a liar and a "stealer" why do you keep doing those things?
• why would you think it's ok to use the computer at someone else's house if you are not ALLOWED to use it? Period.
• why are you mad at the world when you are the one who got caught lying and stealing?!
• And how the heck do you discipline a kid for something this big when there's nothing left to take away from her?!!!
• And last, but not least! How did the SW who let these kids go back home to be messed up even worse four years ago become the SUPERVISOR of the whole department now??!!

Arrgggghhh!!!! Part of me is SO done with foster care right now. I am just ready to have my peaceful, quiet, much-less drama filled house back! We have learned a few things from the last nine months though.

Back to the Foster Care Saga

Been a pretty long commercial break for this one, huh? Well, it all goes back to not knowing what to/not to say. So, I'll just give a little run down of where we're at and things we've learned.

• Apparently if you go to all your "classes" you are considered to be complying with the drug/alcohol treatment plan-even when you get a DUI. You're third one!
• If you have abused your children, neglected them, and never really lived with them it's ok- You still have a "shot" at getting them back.
• Both Girls think it is THEIR fault their parents lost custody of them! That is so sad, and the worst part is I think their parents blame them too. Mom actually wrote a letter at one point telling Mississippi not to "feel bad about what she did"-she's the one who finally reported all the junk.
• Even if you have lost custody of your children previously, and got them back by the skin of your teeth, you have 18 months to jerk them and the system around all over again.

Now, for a little recap on this post and this post just to show how far The Girls have come. You should check it out. I read through them and was amazed at the difference in both of them. I'm so glad I took the time to document that back in September and December.

Mississippi

• Actually sits at the table and does homework now with no issues most days. She reads very well, but we're still working on spelling.
• She does her chores with no questions asks and actually seems to be proud of the job she does. I recently found out her mom cleaned her room for her and she NEVER did chores before. Or this was her story anyway :)
• She and Skippy are learning to get along with each other and though they do still fight it's gotten better.
• She is learning to accept direction more and more every day. I asked her to change clothes the other day and she wasn't happy about it but DID NOT throw a fit! Yay for progress!
• She seems to be much more loving and accepting to everyone-even Austin who she used to HATE. Still not ready to bond as more than our foster kid but it's much better.

Skippy

• Slowly improving in school and not missing AS MANY assignments.
• Is becoming more vocal about her likes and dislikes. This really helps when we are trying to shop for clothes and shoes :)
• She will still try to lie to us or be sneaky about things and this has been one of the harder things to work on since she is so quiet and passive-aggressive. We are learning how to tell when she is lying so that's progress, right?
• She has stopped trying to parent her sister and is more willing to tell her to come to us or stay out of things that don't involve her.
• Has become more social and not so sarcastic ALL THE TIME! This is especially nice when meeting new people :)

As for their case in general. They are still considered "return to home" but I think everyone knows that's not going to happen. Everyone except The Girls and Mom and Dad. Their SW says there is a chance they could go back, and most likely to DAD since he's the only one who can find a stable place to live; but due to other circumstances some judge better hope they're not stupid enough to make that decision or they're gonna find out what 109 pounds of pissed off white woman actually looks like. DAD CANNOT have these girls back and I'll just leave it at that. There are GOOD reasons.

That said we know that we are not the best home for them and MG, their SW, has said she doesn't know if they will TPR because there is such a "strong bond". If they don't TPR The Girls will be in "Permanent Foster Care", and when they age out they will go right back to Mom. That would be such a disservice to them. They deserve to have the last few years of growing up in a loving home where they can actually bond. That's not gonna happen if they continue to have weekly visits with Mom and Dad. They have such a guilt ridden hold on these girls that Mississippi wouldn't even get her hair cut the way she wanted because they gave her such a guilt trip about it at visits. I know how badly she wanted it cut before she went to those visits and I heard what they said to her. They don't want her to enjoy anything they are not a part of or made a decision on. It is SO sad!

The only thing we can really do is speak out on what we think is best for them and try to teach them some good habits while they are here. Oh, and PRAY for the right decision for their futures! I just know they both have so much potential and they deserve a family who can help bring that out in them. I wish everyone could agree on that!

Pickles in the Bathroom

On New Year's Eve we allowed "The Girls" to go to a Lock-In hosted by one of the Missionettes teachers at church. They had been grounded prior to this for not respecting other people's things, something they both struggle with, but we thought we'd make an exception because of my birthday and give them a chance to redeem themselves.

Apparently, they like being grounded.

This is what we heard when we picked them up the next day.

1. They were part of a FOOD Fight
2. When asked to stop with the food fighting they were the only ones who did not.
3. Then they took pickles into the bathroom and began throwing them at each other.
4. They were just generally disrespectful and disobedient.

The sweet lady who teaches this age group said that if it hadn't been my birthday she would have called us to come and pick them up. Needless to say Rick and I were both mortified. And, of course, they have no idea why they acted the way they did. The thing that gets me is they love Ms. P also and when we made them write letters of apology they were both near tears when they gave them to her. So, WHY did they act this way in the first place? I don't get it.

Well, actually, on some level I kind of do get it. I think that maybe it was too much freedom for them and they just couldn't handle it. It's no excuse, but it's the only explanation that I can think of. We have told them that they are on severe lockdown mode. They have to be within sight of Rick or I at any public place we go to. Which S has already tested by trying to saunter over to the other building after church on Sunday to pick up one of our other kids. I had to call her back and asked her where she was going. Her answer was the standard, "I don't know". They are also grounded to their room and pretty much have to ask permission for everything.

It will probably be a long time before we allow them to do anything else like this. I'm wondering if we should discontinue all field trips and such since we don't know if we can trust them to behave if we aren't there. Anybody have suggestions?

Pickles in the bathroom. It's almost funny!

I Miss Summer Already

This is one of the last family outings we had this summer. The annual Labor day picnic. I know they're not the greatest pics but I've been nervous about sharing any that have The Girls in them. So this is the best it's gonna get.

Um, and yeah, this one. My Knucklehead kid (aka Noah) took this one upside-down on purpose. I haven't had the heart to turn it right side up and it makes me laugh. He's pretty goofy :)

I Lost the Job*

*(I just don't feel like doing the linky thing tonight but the job referenced is mentioned in the post before this one. And Brandi, I am working on that tag, promise :) Can I have a few more hours?)

Actually it was not mine to begin with but I was praying and thought that it would be so wonderful for me. I would love all the people I worked with and the work that I would do. And the best part were the hours that would allow me to be at home at critical times of the day so that I didn't feel like I was slacking on my family.

When I got the call tonight that I wasn't the one, I have to admit it upset me. I was really disappointed even though I have been praying for God's will. I know that the ones who were doing the hiring were praying as well and that all things happen for a reason. I think this was just the straw that broke the camel's back for me tonight. We really need for me to go to work but I just don't want to have a job that requires me to be out of the house more of the day than I'm at home. Especially with "The Girls" added to the mix right now. Some friends of mine have suggested that maybe the reason I've had so many interviews and just as many rejections is that perhaps God wants me at home right now. The thing is, God knows our financial situation and how tough things have been and how stressed my husband can get, and I can't help but wonder why if that's what He wants He hasn't given Rick that memo. Our friends don't know this though. We've been pretty quiet about how our financial situation has looked, but it's not pretty. I don't want to go to work to have extra money to blow. I need to go to work so that we can climb out of this pit. I hate it, but it is the sad reality.

I know this is the pity-partiest post I have ever put out here but I have been down in the dumps all night. Waffling back and forth about posting this or not and I just had to get it off my chest. I'm praying and crying out for answers but just getting it out here helps a little too. Anybody know of a great part-time job for a mom who's passionate about orphans and adoption?

Of Internet Addictions and Broken Computers

Remember this little guy?













He caused my computer, which allows me to daily satisfy my Internet addiction, to die. He thinks the power cord to my laptop is his own personal chew toy and when no one's watching he sinks his sharp little teeth right in. So, I went a few days recently with no Internet access when the power cord gave up it's fight and the battery on the laptop died. Luckily for him, or me depending how you look at it, the cord miraculously started working again sometime last night. Go figure. This was after we ordered one through B*st B*y.

Ricky's right, I am an addict.

This is what I found when I logged on today.

• 338 blog posts in my Google Reader
• 300+ email before the ladies in the church office took pity on me and let me use their computer yesterday
• 3 L'il Greenpatch Requests, 1 message, 1 invitation, and tons of updates on FaceBook

I have posts rolling around in my head, but right now I just don't feel like doing anything but catching up on what everyone else has been up to. But, here's a small taste:

• Mississippi learned that it's a bad idea to sharpen pencils with a knife/thumbs are more pliable than wood against a sharp blade (We have tons of sharpeners and she knows this. It's a mystery!)
• I'm not happy about how the election turned out but we're teaching respect for the President no matter who he is and whether or not we agree with his policies.
• "The Girls" had a visit scheduled with their dad, which he did not bother to show up for.
• We learned that even if a complaint is logged, investigated and found to "be founded" against a parent, they still have a chance at getting custody. We're still a little shocked at that one.
• I interviewed for a position in our church's office and hope they will offer me the job!

My unofficial hiatus is officially over and I am woman enough to admit that, yes, I am addicted to the Internet. And if Mojo comes near my computer again, he'll probably wind up toothless.

Just sayin'.....

What is the DEAL?

Yesterday I alluded to having had a bad day, but I still wasn't sure at the time what caused it so I left it alone. Plus, I don't like to be a complainer and lately I feel like that's all I've been doing. Uggh, makes me wanna slap myself!

Well, I still don't feel like myself and I've decided if I complain just enough to ask you all to pray that's ok. Right? I have been having some anxiety problems and maybe a little depression thrown in too. Sunday was really bad because I was dealing with behaviors from "The Girls" all weekend it felt like. To be honest, on Sunday and most of Monday I was really blaming them for how I was feeling. Which, of course, just made it worse because I have this guilt complex too. I've started to think that maybe it's not so much them but just something I'm going through. I've even thought maybe it is some kind of spiritual attack. There has been a passion burning in my heart to start an orphan/adoption ministry in our church and just when I get to the place to really begin to get the ball rolling this happens. Also, we felt that this was God's Will for the girls to be here with us and now this issue is making me doubt that.

So, if anyone is reading this please pray for me and "the Girls" and our family as a whole. All the changes have been tough on every one and I know there have been times when the boys, Austin especially, have been very frustrated with things that "the Girls" have done that effect them in a negative way. Temper tantrums and little girl attitudes are really hard to take when you're used to nothing but frogs and snails and puppy dogs' tails. That Sugar and spice stuff? Who wrote that? Or maybe I'm just seeing nothing but spice right now and the sugar will come later. Yeah, that's probably it.

The Joys of Foster Care (the sarcastic version)

On Friday I got a call from "The Girls" caseworker. Their dad is out of jail and is determined to get them back. Yay! That's great news for a few reasons. The most important being that they will be happy to be with their own family and know that they are safe, and because unfortunately if their plan is not reunification then things look bleak. I hate having to say that but, honestly, once kids get to be as old as they are and have been thru as much as they have, their chances of being adopted out of foster care grow slimmer. It is a sad reality. What's sadder is that these girls had a great chance to be placed with a strong, secure, loving family the first time they were in care but they were sent home. And from some stories we've heard it sounds like Mom and Dad just did a great job of playing the System and hiding things the first time around. That's even more scary.

Now, back to Dad being out of jail. They were scheduled to have a visit with him this week and we thought, "just in case any thing happens we'll hold off on telling them". Thank God for His divine wisdom! It turns out that some things had happened in the past that need to be investigated and they may have no chance of ever going back to dad. Our trainers had told us to expect that things will come out after they had been with us a while, but I don't think you ever really prepare yourelf to deal with some of the things that have gone on with these kids.

Why does this world have to be this way?! We need for more of this evil that goes on in the dark to be brought into the light. IN JESUS NAME!

I am so sad for these girls. They have no appropriate family that anyone's been able to identify thus far. I just shudder to think what their future might be. I'm going to begin to pray that the perfect family be raised up to take them on. Pray with me?