Thursday, February 19, 2009


I never did confess on something else. Back when everyone was making their New Year's Resolutions I got this crazy idea that i should run a 5K sometime before this year was out. I even put it as my status on FaceBook for a few days to keep myself accountable. Then a girlfriend of mine offered to run with me and even found a race for us to run in together. In MARCH! Whoa buddy, that's just around the corner. Literally.

I've been pushing myself to get in shape and get ready for this thing because I really do not like the vision I keep getting of me coming in last place, an hour after everyone else, and then keeling over. That would be pretty embarrassing. Dontcha think? I'm working with another friend who is a personal trainer and she's giving me tips and holding me accoutnable. so, i hope by the time March 21st ( I think, too lazy to check) rolls around I'll be doing pretty good. Or at least able to finish last, just a few minutes after everyone else, and not keel over.

The other confession on this same topic is that I thought at the time that this whole "run a 5K" thing was my idea. Even though I had no idea where it came from. Then at a worship night at another friends house we were singing "I Will Run" by Misty Edwards and God spoke as clear as could be to my spirit, "5K-That was My idea, not yours". Whoa! That song is one of my favorites on my MP3 that I listen to a lot and i wasn't even sure why it had become significant to me all of a sudden. Now I know.

So, needless to say God is trying to tell me something or bring me to a certain place. He's doing something, I'm just not sure what it is right now. I've started studying the words Run/Race in the Bible and a couple things have stood out to me. Maybe He wants me to stay strong in this Race of Adoption/Orphan issues? Maybe He's calling me to run with the vision like it talks about in Habakkuk 2:2? Maybe He just wants me to set a good example for my family? I don't know yet. I just hope whatever it is I run this race to the end. The prize has got to be worth it!


I have a confession to make. In case you couldn't already tell by the sporadic posting, I am a pretty reserved and often quiet person. Unless I have a little too much of my favorite coffee, chocolate, or wine. But, that's not the kind of confessing I'm doing here today.

Lately I feel like I've been too quiet. I feel like I'm in danger of losing my voice entirely. Like maybe I'm giving up? That is not a feeling I've been comfortable with the past few days. In fact, now that I'm here letting these feelings flow through my fingrtips I'm getting a little angry thinking that somebody is trying to rob me of my voice. Convince me that it doesn't matter what I say or how I feel. I like that anger, it makes me want to do something about it.

I'm not really sure where it started. Maybe with the disappointment in not being chosen? Or it could be the other iron I have in the fire these days. I've been working on proposing an Orphan/Adoption ministry in our church and I guess I feel things aren't moving at the pace I want them to. Ahh, patience, sometimes not one of my better virtues.

No matter the cause I am determined not to allow my voice to be silenced. In fact, I'm praying that God will give me a voice to use with confidence. A voice that can't be silenced by any disappointments. A voice to speak for those who have been robbed of their own.