Saturday, August 30, 2008

It Was Bound To Happen and One Night It Did....

30 points to the first commenter to guess the song the title came from. It's probably way to easy, but it was perfect. I couldn't resist.

They do say, "Expect the unexpected", don't they?
On Thursday night we got our first call for a placement. It was kind of an emergency thing and they were looking for someone to take two sisters. Possibly just for the weekend or maybe as a more long-term foster care placement. So, that was the expected part. The unexpected part was that they are out of our age range, they're 10 & 12. We thought what would be best for our family was somewhere between infant and six, maybe up to nine. But, don't you know, God knows what's best for everyone involved all the time.

Check this out: Apparently, as we learned a little more, these girls had been in care before. We were told that they were very sweet and the family they were with before just adored them and they adored this family back. Unfortunately this family had moved to North Carolina. After the girls came to our house and were settled in some we were talking about things we do as a family and who they'll get to know when they go to church with us. At the mention of one of those names the oldest sister asks, "What does she look like?" Then she proceeded to describe our Children's Pastor to us and asked what church we went to. God never ceases to amaze me. The little tricks he plays on us! These girls are the ones we had heard so much about from so many in our Care Group. When they were in care before they were with a couple who attended our church, lived in this area, and went to the same church Care Group that we have been a part of for almost three years. Just days before they came someone was mentioning how they hadn't heard from them in a while and Mrs. T (their former foster mom) had lost touch with them. It really helped them to find out that there was that connection to their former foster parents who they really loved.

What an awesome God we serve. I know that's more song lyrics but I really mean those. He even cares enough for these kids to be sure they go somewhere that would help them to feel a little more comfortable in this second time around. I wish it had worked for them the first time, but we are hoping that soon we will see visible evidence of God working all things for good.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

My Hero Of The Day

Carolyn is my hero of the night. I was supposed to shut it down and go to sleep a while back but found myself at her blog, thanks to Kim :), and was blown away. It was totally worth the sleep I'm gonna be missing in the morning!

Go check it out! Come on don't be chicken, you know you want to.....

Wednesday, August 20, 2008


Tracy, whose Minivan Rocks, posted on this a while back and I liked it, wanted to blog about it too, but chickened out and saved it instead: Multiracial in America

Being raised by a Mexican step-father I feel like I can relate a little to this. Not a lot, cause when people look at me they see I am white, but I do have that different point of view that comes from being raised in a different culture. Sometimes I have felt like I wasn't sure where to fit, growing up I remember strange looks cause there was this obvious Hispanic man walking around with these very white looking children, but on the other hand other Hispanic folks look at me like I'm the "little white girl". I've had to learn not to let my feelings be hurt because I tend to identify and feel more comfortable with the minority but yet they don't always feel comfortable with me. Does that make sense to anybody but me? One time I even had a woman call me a derogatory name in Spanish and just walk off. I had to laugh cause I know she would have peed herself if she'd known I knew what she said. And I didn't even do anything but have the audacity to be the "white girl" in line behind her! I also tend to be really quick to make sure folks know when I say my dad is Mexican that he is my step-dad, but it's for them, cause they think I'm lying by looking at me. I don't think of him as my step-dad, he's been my dad since I was two. That makes me wonder if my future transracially adopted kids would be quick to explain I'm their adopted mom? I hope that they will be able to identify with the culture they are born into as well as the one they are adopted into.

So, that's my perspective. I think as I am growing and becoming more comfortable with who I am I don't worry so much what folks think on other side of my spectrum. I also would have to say that I think my mom could have been more aware and allowed my dad to share more with us, but the area we lived in and the age she grew up in just didn't really prepare her for that. Things have changed a lot just in the past twenty-some years and that is beneficial for kids growing up now in Multicultural families.

The video below gives the perspectives of multiracial young men and women from Rutgers University. I think videos and perspectives such as these are important, especially for those who have adopted or plan to adopt across racial lines. We need to be ready for what our children may someday feel, or even learn now how to help them be most secure in their skin, their race, and their family. I honestly believe that Multiculturalism can someday break the bonds of racism. It won't happen overnight, but I think it's already begun to happen. How many of us can say we DON"T know a multiracial person or couple? How many Don't have one or the other in their family? Do you turn your back n them and refuse to accept it? I think most have accepted and it has changed their perspective.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Total Randomness

Tomorrow my kids go back to school. They say they are excited and looking forward to it. Even Austin after being told by us and his new teachers that this is the year "Real Middle School" begins, AKA-7th grade. I thought he'd be scared off by all this new "toughness" he's going to face but either he's ready for it or he just doesn't believe us yet. I won't say which idea I'm leaning towards, can you guess?

Noah is supposedly so excited he can't sleep. This was what he told me when he came out of his room thirty minutes after I sent him to bed with that cute little grin he thinks is gonna make me believe him. UMMHMMM, nope. It did earn him a hug though and a pat on the back as he was sent back to bed. He'll be in 4th grade this year. I am having a hard time realizing my "babies" are so grown up.

And for one more totally random thought for the night: What was I thinking when I helped Lovely Stepdaughter hang that Hannah Montana door size poster on the OUTSIDE of her bedroom door? Every time I head down that hallway and see it from the corner of my eye it scares the mess out of me. Tonight I had the unfortunate pleasure of being in front of a mirror when it happened and I got to witness the face that I made. If it had been the real Miley that would have scared the mess out of her!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Questioning Along the Journey

Hmmm... How to put down what's been on my heart since we finished PRIDE training? I have gone back and forth with myself a million times about this post because I'm not sure I can convey what I'm really feeling, but it won't get out of my head. I do think that others in similar situations, whether adopting from foster care or perhaps even a poverty stricken nation, have felt the same. I believe we need to share with each other so we don't feel alone, I know it wouldn't hurt for me to know I'm not the only one.

This is my ordeal lately. I want to parent more children. Desperately. I have always wanted to be a mom and wanted to be a mom to many. No big deal, right? We're adopting, it will happen eventually.

The thing is the route we have chosen to lead us to our children means that our children will possibly be coming out of horrible circumstances, which will lead to them being taken from their families. Not relinquished by a mother who wants a better life for them or is unable to parent, but taken by the foster care system for the children's own welfare. We're going into this knowing that we may only be meant to be a family for some kids for a time and someday maybe our promised child will come to us through a foster/adopt situation.

It's this maybe that's got me thinking so much lately, and feeling guilty at times too. I have been praying for a long time for this promised baby girl and now that we are finished with PRIDE and actually have a home study I find myself praying even more. Especially on days like today when it seems I am surrounded by others with beautiful little blessings in their arms and I'm reminded of what I want so much but am still waiting for. I pray, and ask God why. "Why did you promise me a baby, Lord, and here I am still waiting?", "Please, Lord, please let them call soon." And usually as soon as this one flies from my lips I am hit with the guilt. I start thinking, "Wait, in order for them to call that will have to mean that they've had to remove a child." That possibly this child has been abused. Does this mean that I am praying for something like this to happen? That's not what I want. I don't want some parents to harm their child so that I can gain. But, yet, I know that it does occur, everyday. Even right here in our small little corner of Virginia. People hurt their kids, they allow them to be put in dangerous situations, and they abandon and neglect them. I have even seen it first-hand when I taught preschool.

So, I'm not trying to say that I want to benefit from this happening but I do know that things like this go on. I am saying that I am glad my family is ready, willing, and able to step to the plate for kids who have been hurt, in one way or another. I think after all the roadblocks that we've hit and how smoothly the training for PRIDE went, and we have such a peace now about working with this team, I think this is the path we were supposed to take all along. We just thought that we could do it our own way for a while and God would just follow along. When He was just waiting for us to take off the blinders and follow him.

So, where does my guilt fall in with all this? If this is the road God wants us on and He has promised us this child we have been praying for then this is how she will be joining our family. I have a lot of questions and not so many answers right now. But, hey, that's the way it often goes! AM I the only one who has ever felt this way?

Friday, August 8, 2008

Music and Life-"I Wonder"

DISCLAIMER: I cried writing this post, but still felt it needed to come out and be shared. We all have experienced something that can help others who are hurting. I hope ya'll don't mind me being real :)

This song made me cry today. It chokes me up every time I hear it, but today it was a little closer to home. See, my ex, and my boys' bio dad, has been released from prison and has been trying to contact me. I heard through the grapevine that what he wants is to give up his rights to the boys so that he's not obligated to pay child support. Can't say I didn't see that one coming, as sad as it is.

I wonder a lot of times how my boys will feel about their bio dad as they get older. Will they forgive him for not choosing to be a part of their lives? For choosing drugs, alcohol, and partying over them? And I try to reconcile that with how I feel about my own bio dad, who has been an alcoholic all my life and most of his own. I do know that even after all these years, and especially now that I am a parent myself, it's so hard to understand how a mother or father cannot summon the courage and will to change in order not to lose their child/children. Wouldn't I do anything I needed in order to keep my children with me or at least have the privilege to have them in my life? That's the type of question I avoided as a kid because the answers were too painful for me then. Now, I know that it's not about what I was or wasn't but about what my dad was incapable of doing and the blame falls squarely on his shoulders.

It also makes me think of any children who will come into our home through foster care. Separated from their parents by choices that those parents have made. Especially if the choices the parents made lead to the kids not being able to return home. How is that going to leave those children feeling? How will that effect the relationships that we will hope to build with them?

Honestly, I'm thankful that I have my own experiences to fall back on now. I know what it's like to wonder why my parent couldn't change for me. To wish that things could be different. I hope to be able to share that with my own boys and our foster/adoptive children as needed. I'm thankful for a Father God who showed me many years ago that He was always there, always the Father that I thought I was missing out on. I'm also thankful for a stepfather who was there and loved me in his quiet way, even when I didn't want to accept that love. I hope that I'll be able to do the same for all the hurting ones that God sees fit to send my way.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Still Waiting....

Nothing going on in foster-land around here. It looks like we're still going to be waiting a little while.

Can I tell you what I have to say to that?

Obviously, that is not me. But, that kid is speaking what's on my mind! Dern! I'm tired of being patient, can't we be done with that part now?

Friday, August 1, 2008

Fasten Your Seatbelts Everybody!

It looks like the ride may be ready to begin!

I got a call the other day from the wonderful ladies who are conducting our foster care training and they are coming out on Monday to go ahead and get us emergency certified. YAY!!

Apparently, at this time they are at a critical shortage of foster families, they keep having children come into care, and they are scrambling to place them. Since we have all of our background stuff already done, fingerprints done, and are one class away from being done with our training they have asked us to be ready early in case the have another case like this past week where they had 8 children, two sibling sets, come into care and had the hardest time finding placements for them.

We are pretty excited and ready to see what God is going to bring our way and at the same time it's bittersweet. I have to admit though that sometimes I think about the situations that would bring a child into our home through foster care and it makes me sad. I wish that children weren't being hurt by the ones who are supposed to protect them.