Saturday, September 29, 2007

What is it about babies?

Tonight we went to my brother's house to have dinner with the family. My mom and dad, aunt, cousin, and of course my brother's three boys were all there. Junior, my baby brother, (don't ask about the name, that's a whole other story) has three beautiful boys: twins, Dykeem and Travon are five and the baby, Jayvion is 6 months. I haven't seen Jayvion since about a month after he was born and I have to tell you I have been missin' out! That little booger is so cute and just the sweetest thing ever! He is soooo fat and has these killer dimple when he laughs, which he loves to do. When I held him he would just cuddle into me, I absolutely love when babies do that.

Holding Jayvion tonight was great and it made me realize a couple of things. The first being that I need to make time to see my family more often. I haven't seen my little nephew since he was a tiny infant but yet they live only 20 minutes from me and I go to church in the town they live in. I just don't seem to ever have time and don't make the time. My brother and I used to be so close and now just barely know what's going on with each other's lives. His older boys are five and are still shy when they see me. Now, there are other issues there but still, when I see how much we've all grown apart it really makes me sad.

The other thing goes back to my deep desire for this baby that we are planing to adopt. When I get a chance to hold a baby and just love on them I am reminded that, yes, I do want this for myself again. Today was my oldest son's 11th birthday and sometimes when I realize how old my boys are and how independent they are I wonder if I'm really thinking straight to want another one :) Every now and then I think, "Am I really sure about this?" Am I the only one who has felt like this in the midst of the adoption process? Deep down I know that this is truly something I want but every now and then a little doubt sneaks in.

Now, that I have totally depressed my readers(all two of you:0) ) I hope you'll still come back. I'm planning to do a post on possible names someday and may want some feedback.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Finally Ready!

The name says it all. We are finally ready to make the Journey to the Promise that God gave me more than two years ago. Allow me to share our story with you.

I knew when my husband and I got married that we would not be able to have children together. Although I had two boys and he was father to five (yes, you read five), I had always wanted to have a big family and had not planned on ending at my two. Besides that most of his were already grown and they all had moms whom they love(as it should be). I wanted to be mom to at least one more and I really wanted a daughter. I have dreamed of her ever since I was a little girl myself. I prayed about this and we talked about in-vitro, vasectomy reversal, and foster care. None of these seemed to be the answer. Somehow I heard about International Adoption and began to research it and then I mentioned it to Rick. To my dismay he was totally against it, he felt that we could adopt a child domestically easier and with less financial burden. I was not convinced and just kept praying, researching both and sharing with him any inf on the subject. One Sunday morning while in the choir loft at church I was praying and crying out my heart's desire to the Lord. Our Pastor took the Mic from the worship leader and began to share that God had spoken to his heart that there were some there who really wanted a baby and God wanted us to accept the promise that He was making to us at that moment by stepping out in faith and coming to the altar to claim that promise. Of course I did just that with tears streaming and my heart full. It was awesome to know that my Lord heard my cry and cared enough to give me a promise to hold onto.

Of course I wasn't the only wannabe mom to step out in faith that day. There were three other ladies who were standing with me. Today one of them is Mom to two beautiful little girls, she was told she could never have children, she's given birth twice. Another is Mom to a beautiful chubby little 5 month old surprise boy and waiting for their referral of a little girl from Colombia. The third is Mom to an almost one year old perfect little boy. I am the only one still waiting, and it had been hard at times. First I had to wait for my DH to come around, but through a lot of prayer and watching adoption videos, talking about it and yes, some crying. He has come around, and even then the road has not been easy. It seems every time we're ready something happens. First China changed it's rules right as I turned 30, then our furnace broke and money we had planned to use for the adoption went to that, then we were misled by another agency who told us they could help us adopt from China anyway(thank goodness we never gave them any money, just too much time in limbo). Then as if that wasn't enough I lost my job. Sheesh, when it rains it really pours!

Through all of this I have held onto the Promise that God gave to me. I don't believe in coincidences, I know that the promise spoken that day was not just for those other ladies but for me as well. I have not seen the fruit of that promise yet but I am holding onto it. I know that it was for me because my husband is stubborn and only God could have changed his mind and we moved and found a new church where there are five families that I know of who have adopted internationally. I just know that my daughter is coming and the time is getting close. I've been having dreams lately and can't wait until the day I see her face for the first time. My sweet baby girl, she's already becoming so real to me.

We should be starting our Home Study in the next few weeks and then begin our Dossier to send to Vietnam. I am so ready!