Saturday, September 29, 2007

What is it about babies?

Tonight we went to my brother's house to have dinner with the family. My mom and dad, aunt, cousin, and of course my brother's three boys were all there. Junior, my baby brother, (don't ask about the name, that's a whole other story) has three beautiful boys: twins, Dykeem and Travon are five and the baby, Jayvion is 6 months. I haven't seen Jayvion since about a month after he was born and I have to tell you I have been missin' out! That little booger is so cute and just the sweetest thing ever! He is soooo fat and has these killer dimple when he laughs, which he loves to do. When I held him he would just cuddle into me, I absolutely love when babies do that.

Holding Jayvion tonight was great and it made me realize a couple of things. The first being that I need to make time to see my family more often. I haven't seen my little nephew since he was a tiny infant but yet they live only 20 minutes from me and I go to church in the town they live in. I just don't seem to ever have time and don't make the time. My brother and I used to be so close and now just barely know what's going on with each other's lives. His older boys are five and are still shy when they see me. Now, there are other issues there but still, when I see how much we've all grown apart it really makes me sad.

The other thing goes back to my deep desire for this baby that we are planing to adopt. When I get a chance to hold a baby and just love on them I am reminded that, yes, I do want this for myself again. Today was my oldest son's 11th birthday and sometimes when I realize how old my boys are and how independent they are I wonder if I'm really thinking straight to want another one :) Every now and then I think, "Am I really sure about this?" Am I the only one who has felt like this in the midst of the adoption process? Deep down I know that this is truly something I want but every now and then a little doubt sneaks in.

Now, that I have totally depressed my readers(all two of you:0) ) I hope you'll still come back. I'm planning to do a post on possible names someday and may want some feedback.

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