Saturday, December 20, 2008

Foster Care stuff

I've really hesitated sharing much of what goes on with "The Girls" because I'm afraid somehow the wrong person will see this and All H-E-you know whats will break out. I've heard too many horror stories I guess. But, I did start this blog with the intention of being open and honest about our journey, no matter where it might take us. I also know that, personally, I have learned and been encouraged by others who have been there done that and not been afraid to share.

So, where do I begin. Maybe with a little summary of each Girl.

Mississippi: I have really struggled with what to even share about her because I am afraid it will just end up making me sound like "That Mean Old Foster Mom". The honest truth is that M is just really hard to live with. She's only 10 and has the worst chip on her shoulder. One morning last week I asked her if she was ready for school and her answer was, "YES! I'm ready!", full of nasty, How dare you ask me that question attitude. We haven't found a way that really deals best with this behavior quite yet. We usually make her say everything over to us until she can do it without attitude but it doesn't always work. At times we have just ignored the attitude to see if not giving her a reaction will solve the problem. It's kind of like picking your battles, at times it's worht it to make her keep repeating until she gets it right and other times it's best to let it go.

She also can not stand to be told to do anything. She's been told to change into something clean to go out in and has a fit over that. She doesn't even like to be told when to walk out to the bus stop in the mornings. She has no sense of what's appropriate. She has been known to yell at people down the block while standing at the bus stop, where the bus comes at 7 A.M.! Needless to say she now has to be completely silent at the bus stop.

Then on the other hand she can be sweet if she chooses and she actually has a strong sense of justice. Mostly it's used to determine that she has been wronged but I have seen her get upset because she feels someone else is being mistreated. She's also befriended a girl her sister decided was too weird to be friends with because she felt bad for her. She loves animals and likes giving gifts. She does have a good heart, but she needs to work on some issues. Just like we all do.

Skippy:She's a little harder to figure out at times because she is not as vocal about things that bother her as M is. She tends to be the type of kid who will say she will do something and then not do it. One of her biggest issues is lying and not following through. We're pretty sure she can be sneaky as well. A lot of times we think conflicts that erupt between S and M are M's fault because she is the loud one so the attention gets focused on her and she looks like the bad guy. We are starting to figure out though that that seems to be a strategy that S has developed and plays well. She may actually instigate a lot of it because she likes.....well, we're not sure what satisfaction she really gets from it yet, but we're working on that. Another issue is schoolwork, and this goes along with her acting as if she's doing what's required but not really. When we get interims she's always missing homework or notes. She is required to study and do homework every night so we don't know what happens between home and school. She tells us she wants to go to college and have a nice career but her actions don't reflect that.

S is very funny and very bright. She can make up a rhyme about someone very easily and she and Noah love doing this. She can get along with most anyone and is pretty easygoing.

There are other issues for both like hygiene, visits with parents, behaviors at school. We are just going to keep walking it out for as long as they are with us. And hopefully blogging to have a record and memories for when they move on.


mary grace said...

I understand about being careful what you say, and wondering how it will come across. Sometimes I wonder how much I should say about Oliver's delays, merely because I don't want to scare people off from the idea of foster-adoption. But the truth is the truth, and really, forewarned IS forearmed. When you go in knowing that GOD is the one who guides the process, then the rest is all incidental, right?

Brandi said...

I really appreciate your post. I think being real while still managing to stay positive and to recognize the beautiful things that God is doing is a hard road to walk at times! You did a great job. . .and helped us to more accurately pray for the girls!


His Hands His Feet Today said...

You've really been on my heart this week. Please know that you are being lifted up in prayer!