Thursday, April 30, 2009

Back to the Foster Care Saga

Been a pretty long commercial break for this one, huh? Well, it all goes back to not knowing what to/not to say. So, I'll just give a little run down of where we're at and things we've learned.

  • Apparently if you go to all your "classes" you are considered to be complying with the drug/alcohol treatment plan-even when you get a DUI. You're third one!
  • If you have abused your children, neglected them, and never really lived with them it's ok- You still have a "shot" at getting them back.
  • Both Girls think it is THEIR fault their parents lost custody of them! That is so sad, and the worst part is I think their parents blame them too. Mom actually wrote a letter at one point telling Mississippi not to "feel bad about what she did"-she's the one who finally reported all the junk.
  • Even if you have lost custody of your children previously, and got them back by the skin of your teeth, you have 18 months to jerk them and the system around all over again.

Now, for a little recap on this post and this post just to show how far The Girls have come. You should check it out. I read through them and was amazed at the difference in both of them. I'm so glad I took the time to document that back in September and December.


  • Actually sits at the table and does homework now with no issues most days. She reads very well, but we're still working on spelling.
  • She does her chores with no questions asks and actually seems to be proud of the job she does. I recently found out her mom cleaned her room for her and she NEVER did chores before. Or this was her story anyway :)
  • She and Skippy are learning to get along with each other and though they do still fight it's gotten better.
  • She is learning to accept direction more and more every day. I asked her to change clothes the other day and she wasn't happy about it but DID NOT throw a fit! Yay for progress!
  • She seems to be much more loving and accepting to everyone-even Austin who she used to HATE. Still not ready to bond as more than our foster kid but it's much better.


  • Slowly improving in school and not missing AS MANY assignments.
  • Is becoming more vocal about her likes and dislikes. This really helps when we are trying to shop for clothes and shoes :)
  • She will still try to lie to us or be sneaky about things and this has been one of the harder things to work on since she is so quiet and passive-aggressive. We are learning how to tell when she is lying so that's progress, right?
  • She has stopped trying to parent her sister and is more willing to tell her to come to us or stay out of things that don't involve her.
  • Has become more social and not so sarcastic ALL THE TIME! This is especially nice when meeting new people :)

As for their case in general. They are still considered "return to home" but I think everyone knows that's not going to happen. Everyone except The Girls and Mom and Dad. Their SW says there is a chance they could go back, and most likely to DAD since he's the only one who can find a stable place to live; but due to other circumstances some judge better hope they're not stupid enough to make that decision or they're gonna find out what 109 pounds of pissed off white woman actually looks like. DAD CANNOT have these girls back and I'll just leave it at that. There are GOOD reasons.

That said we know that we are not the best home for them and MG, their SW, has said she doesn't know if they will TPR because there is such a "strong bond". If they don't TPR The Girls will be in "Permanent Foster Care", and when they age out they will go right back to Mom. That would be such a disservice to them. They deserve to have the last few years of growing up in a loving home where they can actually bond. That's not gonna happen if they continue to have weekly visits with Mom and Dad. They have such a guilt ridden hold on these girls that Mississippi wouldn't even get her hair cut the way she wanted because they gave her such a guilt trip about it at visits. I know how badly she wanted it cut before she went to those visits and I heard what they said to her. They don't want her to enjoy anything they are not a part of or made a decision on. It is SO sad!

The only thing we can really do is speak out on what we think is best for them and try to teach them some good habits while they are here. Oh, and PRAY for the right decision for their futures! I just know they both have so much potential and they deserve a family who can help bring that out in them. I wish everyone could agree on that!

1 comment:

Melissa :) said...

I'd really like to foster. But for reasons such as this, I just don't think I can.