Thursday, November 27, 2008

Fallen For An Angel

A Reece's Rainbow Christmas Angel, that is. There are so many of them that just tug at my heart strings and I wish I was a millionaire who could just adopt 10, 20, or more if that's what I wanted to do. Someday, I'm going to work in an orphanage or in some type of orphan ministry.

Have I mentioned before that I really feel that we are supposed to adopt a child with Down Syndrome? Ah yes, I have: See number 8 here? I thought there were other times but I guess I've been hesitant to put it out there . You know, that fear: "what if I'm wrong?" Especially after our experience getting our hopes up for LB. And on top of that because of how it ended up we don't even have an adoption homestudy and never got any of the money back that we paid for it. I still struggle with anger over that one. So, yeah, I guess that's why I'm hesitant to share any more what's on my heart in terms of our adoption hopes.

Now, with all that said......I think I have lost my mind. I have fallen for one of Reece's Rainbow's Christmas Angels. Her name is Victoria and she looks like she loves to talk on the telephone. I had a dream one night of two children, a little girl between 1 and 3 and an infant that I think was a boy. I was walking across a bridge and carrying both of them. Then Rick came alongside me and took the little girl from my arms to lighten my load. As he walked a little ahead of me she looked over his shoulder and smiled at me as a little girl would smile at her mommy. This little girl had Down syndrome and an Eastern European name. I've been asking myself if I dreamed of my child or did I just dream this because I have been reading the blog of a family who adopted a little girl recently from an Eastern European country with the same name as the one in my dream. I only know that I woke up with a peace in my heart and really felt that God had shown me my child. But, that fear is still there: "what if I'm wrong?"

My prayers the past few days have been that God will make His will clear and, if this is really something He wants, He will show Rick without a doubt that He is in it and we can do it. You see, my husband is afraid of the financial aspect of it. That is the only thing that holds him back. I honestly believe if someone said they would cover the entire cost of the adoption Rick would not have anything holding him back. And that makes me so sad. I hate it that the only thing keeping children from being placed in loving homes is money. I hate it that the people who have the love and desire to adopt these kids so often don't have the money to do it so they never try.

All I can do is continue to pray, right? Then, I guess that's what I'll do.

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