Every Sunday morning at church I find myself praying for breakthrough with this adoption. There are so many babies there and all the little girls are off to the right of where we sit dancing and twirling their flags. It's such a sweet sight and always makes me long for a baby of my own. A sweet little girl to dress up and some day watch as she twirls and dances with her Heavenly Daddy. I love watching them but it is kind of bittersweet. Wanting so badly what we are not able to make happen on our own. Waiting with our fate in someone else's hands just to be granted the privilege and blessing of adding another child to our family. Sometimes I think I feel like a woman who is unable to conceive must feel, but then I feel guilty because I have had the pleasure of carrying a child and giving birth. I have that experience where they may never get that chance. I can see now that I did not truly appreciate what a gift it was. I mean, I recognized it was a miracle. I remember staring at Austin and thinking what a miracle he was and how God had entrusted me to care for His little precious ones. But, I took for granted the gift I had been given in being able to conceive and give birth. Now that we no longer have that option I can see that. I'm not saying that if I could get pregnant again we wouldn't adopt. I have actually in the past said that even if we could get pregnant I would want to adopt because there are kids who need families. I also think that God uses the inability to grow your family "on your own" to show that He has more than one plan and to remind us of the orphans.
Anyway, I get a little carried away sometimes. But just really needed to get those feelings out. What I really wanted to share was that during this morning's service watching the beautiful little girls and admiring all the babies was nice. But, the worship was better and I kept praying to see Jesus' face. I have just been so hungry for his presence lately and that along with our adoption has been my plea during every worship service for a few months now. Today He answered in a way that was unexpected and so sweet. Just the way that He knew would get to me. He's so awesome!! This is how He shared himself with me today.
I know it's only a four leaf clover but to me it was Jesus' face today. Is that wrong to say? Or maybe the two lovely gentleman who gave it to me were.
My husband's buddy, Mike and his beautiful little boy D*** saw me sitting on the bench in the foyer. Mike stopped little D*** and whispered to him and then they came over and offered me what they had found.
It's special to me because I have been thinking about clovers for a while now. Even though they are now taking over my flower garden I can't bring myself to pull them out. When I was a little girl I loved them, I was always looking for them in our yard. I always remember the story of Saint Patrick and how he used the three leaf clover to represent the Trinity and the other day I read about how the Chapman's have been comforted by finding four-leaf clovers and feeling that they are God's way of showing that Maria is in God's arms. How beautiful is that?
Is he telling me that he has our baby in his arms and I just need to trust in him? I don't know. I only know that He loves me enough to send someone to find exactly what he knew would speak to my heart and then deliver it to me on a day when I needed it. How can you not love a Father that wonderful?