Thursday, November 22, 2007

Dream a Little Dream.......

I keep having dreams about my daughter. Sometimes I get discouraged because this whole process can be so unpredictable. First we were adopting from China, then when China changed rules we looked to Vietnam, then the agency we were using turned out to be unethical. So now we are looking at as many waiting child lists as we can, hoping to eventually find our daughter that way. We even thought about just trying to get pregnant through IVF. I just can't bring myself to go that route when I know that there are so many children who need homes.

Last night I had another dream about traveling and bringing home a baby girl. I've had similar dreams and the little one is always Asian and always around 8 months old. And I usually(in the dream) always forget that I have a new baby and leave her in the nursery at church or forget to take her with me when I leave the house. Then I'm running trying to get back to her and bawling my eyes out!! SO UPSET WITH MYSELF!! What in the world do these dreams mean? I wake up from them missing my baby and feeling like they are signs that I will be a bad mom. Is this normal for moms who adopting?

One thing that I do think is that maybe these dreams are to keep me trudging along this path. That we do have a daughter out there and that we just need to keep keeping on and we will find her. I really hope that that's it. And that I'm not going nuts.

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