Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Rose Colored Cynicism

I wonder if anyone else ever feels like they have two people living inside them? I don't mean like a split personality or anything like that. I just mean, do you ever feel like there are two sides of you that don't seem to be compatible?

I'll use my own thoughts as an example. Sometimes, okay a lot of times, I feel like there are two separate Melissas living inside me.

One is a Rose Colored Glasses kinda girl who believes that there's some good in almost everyone and that this World is basically a decent place. She loves to watch "Fluff" TV and read Amish fiction. She also has a strong desire to save the World. To help the orphans and the down-trodden and to be a friend to the ones that no one else even sees.
Rose Colored Glasses Melissa
The other is a more cynical Melissa who isn't sure if you can ever really trust anyone besides your immediate family (and sometimes not even them). Who knows that there are bad people in this World and you have to guard yourself and your children against allowing those people to have a place in your life or the ability to hurt you. She likes to read suspenseful novels and watch post-apocalyptic TV. This Melissa wants to help others but sometimes feels overwhelmed by the needs and isn't sure that ANYTHING will ever really change.
Cynical Melissa
Sometimes I don't mind that these two Melissas coincide in me. I really believe that Rose Colored Glasses (RCG) Melissa is the reason that I hung in there through all of the speed bumps in Liza's adoption and how I was able to love her before I ever met her. Yet, Cynical (C) Melissa kept me grounded and learning about all of the issues that could be expected with an adopted child. So, when it wasn't what RCG Melissa expected in the first few days of meeting L, it wasn't as bad a blow and we (Liza and I) pushed on through it. Now, L loves her Mama deeply, and Mama loves her even more than she did then.

Is anyone still here? Or have you all run away from the crazy girl who's talking about herself as if she's two people? I know I'm really just me - it's just that sometimes I wonder if I'm alone in feeling like this? And sometimes my "two people" don't seem to get along so well. C Melissa tends to take over at times and make RCG Melissa feel like she's weak. That's when I  have days like I posted about yesterday. C Melissa wears me out and RCG Melissa has to take over and get us all decompressed. Sheesh! They need to learn to get along!

So, how about it? Anyone else ever feel like this? Is it a woman thing? Tell me I'm not alone people! Or just make me laugh. That'll work too.

I'll go first with the "making laugh". Cause RCG Melissa doesn't like it when we get too serious. And because it's so true....
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