The Truth Hurts

I have really been wanting to post about all the 'crap' that went down with a certain agency, that we just happened to be using, but I just don't know where to start. We are moving on. Researching other agencies at this moment and maybe have settled on one, but I am really wary now. And, you know what? I'm pissed! I have been wanting to adopt for a long time now and it took a while just for hubby to decide that this was something that was right for our family. Then to have given them some of our money and time just for this to have happened.... I thank God that we only got as far as the application being sent and waiting to start our HS.

Oh well, I guess it's a lesson learned. There were warnings out there about this agency but I just wrote them off because those who were using/had used them and the Coordinator I was in touch with were so positive that I thought it was just a difference of opinions. I was pointed to them by this Coordinator via an email after she read a post about on a listserv in which I asked for recommendations. Maybe that should have been my first red flag.

I would encourage anyone who is starting and searching for a new agency to do your research thoroughly. I know a lot of times we go with a certain agency because they are known to get babies home young and fast. I would LOVE for my daughter to be as young as possible when I hold her for the first time but that is no longer my most important point in choosing our next agency, in fact the one we are thinking of has told me that they won't even refer a child younger than six months. I have to do what is right to the extent that I can and if that means my child will be closer to a year when she comes home then so be it, I will just have to trust her beginnings to God and know that when she is in our arms we have no regrets.

Check out "Mrs. Broccoli Guy"'s posts here and here. I found them very helpful and encouraging. I mean, come on, a lot of times we don't want to hear it but it's exactly what we need to hear. You know what they say, "The truth hurts".

Show the Love

Yesterday I set up a table at a craft show to promote my Pampered Chef business, which I started to help pay for our adoption. Of course there were lots of other folks there, some shopping and some promoting their businesses just as I was. One of the vendors was a group from a local church in the area. They were selling all kinds of cute little country decorating items to benefit the youth and, I'm assuming, that the ladies who were there were the mothers and leaders of this youth group.

I was so disappointed, as a Christian woman, to witness the attitudes and behaviors of these ladies throughout the day. They were very catty, talked about what others were wearing and just were not friendly. My table just happened to be right beside theirs so I was able to hear some of their conversations, watch them look over at me and then turn their heads and whisper to each other and talk about the way another lady was dressed because they didn't approve. It really made me upset. Where was the love of Jesus? They had a sign that they displayed on their table that obviously stated they were there on behalf of their church. If I noticed I'm sure others did too and I just hate to think that others may have that as their only example of what Christianity is like. 1 John 4:20 says, "If anyone says, 'I love God,' yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen." There's a song by Rhonda Vincent called "If you don't love your neighbor you don't love God" and the words to the Chorus are so true:

Oh, you don't love God, if you don't love your neighbor
If you gossip about him, if you never have mercy
If he gets into trouble, and you don't try to help him
Then you don't love your neighbor, and you don't love God.

I just didn't feel that there was any love being shown to their "neighbors".

Now, I want to say that I am not perfect in any way. I mess up every day and I'm sure there have been days that I have been unloving and unloveable. I just hope that is the case for those ladies and this is not an everyday thing. But, you know, I just don't think that's the case. This is sad for so many reasons, 1. They are the examples to the youth of that church, there were quite a few young girls with them. 2. We are charged as Christians to show the Love of God to the world around us. The saddest thing of all is the lady who they did not approve of her way of dressing, I found out today that she is a wonderful lady with a heart of gold who has experiened TREMENDOUS abuse in her life. I just hope that she was not aware of the things they said about her and I hope that anytime I'm tempted to be unkind in this way that God brings this experience back to my mind.

You tell me yours, I'll tell you mine

I love names. I like learning new ones, hearing of ones I haven't heard in a while or maybe never heard. I mostly like original names, the ones that not a lot of other people have and ones that have cool meanings. Although, I generally don't go way
"out there"( Hubby would disagree there). I also like hearing the stories behind names, the reasons that your parents named you what they did.

One of the names that I really liked for my boys was Solon. It's pronounced:Soe-lun. I usually can't find it on any name websites but I know that it was the name of a famous lawmaker in Athens. I wasn't able to name either of my boys that name because, unfortunately, men do NOT like it. Oh well, I like the names that they ended up with. Austin Reuben and Noah Benjamin. I just wish everyone hadn't decided to name their kids those names at the same time :)

Now, for my daughter, I really want to name her: Raegen Francesca. Raegen because it's a name I really like and it's Celtic in origin which is my heritage. Francesca because my grandmother's name was Frances and Francesca was her favorite nickname. Hubby is on board with Raegen but he is just not in love with Francesca. Since we are adopting from Vietnam and she will have a Vietnamese name, a name that she could possibly be given by her birthparents, we will most likely keep some part of it as either her middle name or an extra middle name.

I'll tell the story behind my name just because I hope that anyone who may be reading might share theirs with me. My parents named me Melissa Michele because my mom liked both names and couldn't decide between Melissa Lee/Michele Lynn. So, I got both of them. My favorite part of the story is that my bio dad is and always has been a beekeeper. He's pretty good at it from what I've been told. The cool thing is that Melissa means "honeybee" and neither one of them knew that when they agreed on that for my name. I read it in a baby name book when I was about 13 and when I old my mom I could tell by the look on her face that she had no idea when she named me that. It was kind of funny.

Alright, bring on the stories or name suggestions. Or maybe the name that you would use if you could change your name or give your child any name you chose. Oh yeah, if I ever have another boy I want to name him Asa.

Beauty from ashes

I was over reading Dawn's blog this morning and ran across her post about different people's perspectives on Vietnam. Reading it reminded me of my trip to the bookstore the other day.

My family and I love to walk in the beautiful, historic downtown area and browse a cool used bookstore that all the cool college kids go to. So, while we were there I noticed that they had lots of books on various other countries and they were all shelved and labeled according to country. They had oodles on China: culture, history, people, travel, even cookbooks. So, I decided to look for books on Vietnam. I was a mite disappointed. The only subject the two full shelves of books on Vietnam covered was the Vietnam War. Not even any novels based in Vietnam :(

I'm not sure if maybe it's because we have a war going on right now that some people feel is similar in some ways, or because it is so near the college and that is what the kids come looking for, or if the war is just all we associate with Vietnam when we think of the country. I hope it's not the latter for the sake of the children that we are adopting and those who have come here seeking a new life. I think that if this is the case we are missing out.

I don't mean to invalidate the experience of the veterans of the Vietnam War, I know that it had to be a horrible time. I just hope that we can see the country and it's people as separate from the War that took place there. I have met some Vietnamese people living here in the States and they are wonderful people and from all that I have heard and pictures and video of others' trips that I've seen, the country is beautiful. I can't wait for my turn mainly to finally meet my daughter but also to get the chance to personally experience Vietnam itself.