No Child Left Behind.....hmm?

I don't really understand a whole lot about the whole NCLB (No Child Left Behind) concept. I know it's supposed to put policies in place that ensure that all our kids are learning what they need to succeed, but from what I see something has gone awry in the plan.

Here's the deal: My kids are pretty smart, I'm not trying to brag on them or be that annoying mom, I'm just telling it like it is. Austin is in high level classes in 7th grade. He's always been good at math and this year is taking Algebra-which is considered a 9th grade course. Noah is also doing very well academically and is in the gifted reading and math programs at the elementary school. I've just been happy the past few years that they have had these options and are being encouraged to perform at the highest level they can achieve. Not having kids who were just considered "average", I never really thought there was any difference in the way all the kids were being educated. Turns out I was wrong.

"The Girls" are both intelligent and have the potential to do very well, but they need to be pushed to achieve. This is what you get when you have two kids who have gone to at least SEVEN, maybe more, different schools in their entire school career. Add that to the fact that parents who have their own issues going on aren't always so involved with how their kids are doing in school. Anyone will tell you that parental involvement makes a BIG difference in how kids perform. This means that though they both could do very well, they both are just barely getting by. This doesn't bother us because we figure we will work with the teachers and make sure they are doing their homework, projects, etc. Giving them a little push when they need it, encouragement when they hit a rough patch, and just general help wherever it's needed. Just like we do with our kids. Eventually they will improve and soon be working to their full potential. Right?

Um...not so much! See, we had the pleasure recently of meeting the teachers. The most surprising thing we heard was from Skippy's Language Arts teacher, I'll paraphrase: "I have kids and after football and dance, etc there's no time for homework. So, I don't give a lot." We shared this with her caseworker and her reaction was the same as ours, "and she's a teacher?!" On top of that when she does bring work home it's very simple. It's almost as if they don't want to challenge them. As for Mississippi's teachers most of what we've heard from them is how well she's doing and what a great start she's made. This would make us feel wonderful if her grades and her work reflected that, but she CANNOT spell and when she first came to us getting her to read anything other than a picture book resulted in a meltdown. It's almost as if because her teachers know she is a foster child they are being extra nice to her. Yeah, she's been through a lot and it's sad. But, she doesn't need someone to hold her hand and feel sorry for her, she needs people to push her to rise above the obstacles in her life. She's never going to learn to do that if they just pity her because of where she's come from.

So, this is the conclusion that I have come up with, and I wonder if it's just my county or if it's like this all over. I think that the schools lose funding if the kids don't test well. They've figured out that there are some kids who can be challenged and do really well and there are others that they can't be sure will be able to test and pass if they don't just give them an easy ride. It sounds to me like all the kids who don't get the chance to prove they can handle being challenged are being left behind. They're being sacrificed so that the school doesn't look bad. So much for No Child Left Behind!

The Joys of Foster Care (the sarcastic version)

On Friday I got a call from "The Girls" caseworker. Their dad is out of jail and is determined to get them back. Yay! That's great news for a few reasons. The most important being that they will be happy to be with their own family and know that they are safe, and because unfortunately if their plan is not reunification then things look bleak. I hate having to say that but, honestly, once kids get to be as old as they are and have been thru as much as they have, their chances of being adopted out of foster care grow slimmer. It is a sad reality. What's sadder is that these girls had a great chance to be placed with a strong, secure, loving family the first time they were in care but they were sent home. And from some stories we've heard it sounds like Mom and Dad just did a great job of playing the System and hiding things the first time around. That's even more scary.

Now, back to Dad being out of jail. They were scheduled to have a visit with him this week and we thought, "just in case any thing happens we'll hold off on telling them". Thank God for His divine wisdom! It turns out that some things had happened in the past that need to be investigated and they may have no chance of ever going back to dad. Our trainers had told us to expect that things will come out after they had been with us a while, but I don't think you ever really prepare yourelf to deal with some of the things that have gone on with these kids.

Why does this world have to be this way?! We need for more of this evil that goes on in the dark to be brought into the light. IN JESUS NAME!

I am so sad for these girls. They have no appropriate family that anyone's been able to identify thus far. I just shudder to think what their future might be. I'm going to begin to pray that the perfect family be raised up to take them on. Pray with me?

Adjustments

Boy howdy the adjusting taking place in this household lately! I knew to expect it, they talk about it alot in the training, but that doesn't make it any easier when the actual adjusting is taking place. How many fits in one day can one little girl have? Gah!!!

Poor A (or Mississippi) is having a really hard time adjusting to having consistent rules.
-She does not like having to sit at the table and do homework.
-She does not like having a chore to do every night.
-She DETESTS having to read actual books for 20-30 minutes every night.
-And EVERYTHING her sister does pushes her over the edge.
I think her real problem is that she gets frustrated very easily and it escalates to the point that she just can not control her emotions any longer. Usually when she gets like this her feet and hands start twisting and she can't walk or write. We haven't figured out yet if this is just something she's developed to take the focus off of whatever has frustrated her or if it really is a symptom of something else. There definitely seems to be a lot of anxiety there and we will be working on that. At the time when she is having one of her fits I get frustrated with her and wish she would just stop, but later when I think about all she's been through I feel sorry for her. I'm surprised that there aren't more issues.

As for C (or Skippy), she seems to have the opposite going on. She still has some issues that we have to watch out for but they aren't as obvious as Mississippi's. One of her things is she'll tell us she will do something and then just not do it. Or when we went shopping for clothes she told us she liked things and now says that she doesn't and doesn't want to wear them. ARGH! Tonight Rickydoodle asked her if she had gotten a test back from one of her teachers and she said they hadn't taken a test. When he said he had spoken to the teacher and knew they had taken the test the day before she all of a sudden "maybe remembered taking a test", but they haven't gotten it back. We just had to laugh, under our breath of course. Sarcasm is a big defense mechanism with her. In one way it's not a big deal because you expect it from a kid her age, but in another she has never learned proper times for being sarcastic and being serious. There have been times we've introduced her to friends and she has shown a little sarcasm in her greeting, it's awkward, but I honestly think it's done to protect herself. Kind of, "I don't know you or if you're OK for me to get to know so I'm gonna use this to put you off." She also uses it with Rick and I at times and neither of us like a child to be disrespectful, so that has been awkward as well. All in all though, she's really a good kid with a good heart. Unfortunately, she's not had steady guidance most of her life.

Another issue we are dealing with from both of them is Parentification. Luckily for me I've been reading Cindy's and Yolies blogs and found lots of been there done that advice. I am by no means an expert but it's nice when you sort of know what to expect. The only trouble with this case is I didn't expect them BOTH to be parentified, but they are. We first noticed it in Mississippi and thought that was strange because we expected it to be Skippy since she's the oldest. Then when Skippy was a little more comfortable we noticed signs of parentified behavior in her too. Honestly Skippy probably is more parentified but they definitely both show signs. And maybe that's where some of Mississippi's issues with Skippy come from. It's like having two positives to a magnet too close to each other, right? We finally had to tell them the other day that they are not each other's parent and we will be the ones that tell them what they need to do and all the other things that parents do. I don't want them to stop looking out for each other but I would like to take some of the pressure off of both of them.

Austin, Noah, Ricky, and I are just adjusting slowly. Taking all this one day at a time. I've come to realize if your family is not very flexible you probably won't like foster parenting. You have to be able to roll with the flow.